MAT: Order, order.
LIZ: The authentic sound of a Ouch Podcast mug.
MAT: Being tapped for the attention
of our wonderful Podcast listeners. Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the Ouch Podcast number 13.
for some but lucky for you. The BBC’s downloadable disability radio show that knows you’re not an angelic antihero.
you believe that we've been doing this show for a year now?
MAT: Oh it’s brilliant.
LIZ: If you've not
listened to them all and you’d like to listen to some back, you can catch up, find us on the web at www.bbc.co.uk/ouch
MAT: I can hardly contain my excitement at what’s going to come in this 13th Podcast. You know Liz everyone’s
got their own show now haven’t they?
LIZ: Uh hmm.
MAT: A radio station for blind people starts in Glasgow
this month, we’re going to be speaking to them and we've got two other disabled guests who broadcast themselves on US
cable TV and internet radio. Here’s one of them now he's called Damon Fibraio.
MAT: [laughs] We like
LIZ: Whey hey. We like him a lot.
MAT: Are you allowed to say the ‘B’ word on a Podcast?
Mind you we said beadle so why not.
LIZ: We’ll be speaking to Damon later, looking forward to that.
is a bit of a coup we actually have Professor Stephen Hawking in the studio…
MAT: You what?
to help us guess what’s wrong with our latest Veg, Veg or Veg contestant.
MAT: Oh fantastic.
MAT: Wow he's a legend.
LIZ: I know. I'm a bit ooh, in awe, anyway.
MAT: And of course
we’ll be hearing from Rob Crossan our visually impaired albinistic, go-getter, formerly of Front Magazine. Now we’ve
sent him out of the studio again for a secret challenge that might push him beyond his boundaries, hey? Bit of a clue there.
of a clue.
MAT: He’ll be here in about 10 minutes.
LIZ: Now they wipe your arse but should you or your
mates talk to them? I know controversial stuff as we discuss personal assistants later on in the show plus we’re playing
out with music from Susan Hedges. Here’s a taster.
MAT: All of our shows are archived on the website
and you can listen to them at any time, that being the nature of a Podcast. So all you've got to do is go to www.bbc.co.uk/ouch
and download them onto your MP3 player or stream them onto the web, whatever the hell that means.
LIZ: So Mathew
I have to ask you this.
MAT: Oh yeah what?
LIZ: What have you been doing this month? Hey, hey, I’ve
not seen much of you it doesn’t feel like.
MAT: Well not in the last couple of weeks but prior to that we seemed
to be welded at the hip, something like two conjoined Podcast hosts.
LIZ: Indeed, indeed because we kept being asked
didn’t we to do talks…
MAT: It’s been a month of discussions and panels and symposiums.
about disability, disability in the media, disability comedy, what’s funny
MAT: We did a comedy symposium at
the Leicester Comedy Festival. I was chairing and you were on the panel along with Steve Day and a couple of other people…
and that was pretty good. I think we came to the conclusion didn’t we, that as long as disability, you know, this is,
“Are we allowed to laugh? Is it offensive?” and all these questions and I think you were the one that said, and
I think everybody agreed, that as long as you’re telling the truth and it’s reality that you’re portraying,
no matter how cruel, you know, if you’re deriving comedy from it you should be okay.
LIZ: On the important stuff,
yeah wheelchair broke down again, bit of toothache, but…
MAT: Oh no where did you have to go to get it fixed?
have to just tell you this.
MAT: What happened?
LIZ: I was chatted up recently in a… yeah I know.
at the wheelchair place?
LIZ: No, no but after a show, right which… never happens, never, ever happens ever.
not? Well okay, go on.
LIZ: No, no, I think, you know, if you’re a male comedian that's fine, if you’re
a female comedian, duh, forget it, you know, and so, but there I am and this guy sidled over, moved his chair over, very relaxed,
arm back, you know and all that and he said, “So,” he said, “What do you do when you’re not being
MAT: Ha, ha, ha. That's one of the best chat-up lines I've ever heard.
LIZ: I know
MAT: Did you say, “Sleep with you, you smooth talker.” Ha, ha, ha.
Just like, he was obviously really struggling because one of his next gambits was like he said, “So is England a good
place to be disabled?” [laughs]
MAT: Was he British?
LIZ: He was Irish, shhh. So no more what
can I say? Hey-ho.
MAT: Did you er…
LIZ: Hey you know it’s time to move on I think.
MAT: Emails, oh the wonderful medium of email. Hasn’t your life improved since
LIZ: How did we survive without it?
MAT: I don’t know.
LIZ: What did you do without
MAT: How was it before we spent four hours a day just replying to each other?
LIZ: Do you get obsessive?
I'm obsessive about it.
MAT: Yeah I have become obsessed.
MAT: It’s terrible.
an OCD thing I think, isn’t it? It’s kind of obsessive/compulsive.
LIZ: You click
to see if you've got any and then you read them and you just click again to see if any have snuck through.
I know and you find then four hours later you look up and you've achieved nothing.
LIZ: I know. Well we’re going
to look then at your emails. Thank you because you have written in. Remember to keep ringing… ringing us? You can still
ring us but you can also contact us on firstname.lastname@example.org
and if your email gets read out, this is amazing, you will win one of our exclusive Ouch Podcast mugs [clink] as played at
the top of the show.
MAT: Yeah I mean you can’t see them but that's what they sound like.
they fantastic? In fact we’re toasting our Yeah show with water in our Podcast mugs. [whispers] That's how cheap they
are you know.
MAT: Good water though.
LIZ: Oh this is a nice email, let’s start with this one from Peter
MAT: Nice name.
LIZ: I once saw Mat Fraser in a screen kiss, in a TV play, what a beautiful
kiss it was. I’d give it to him for free.
MAT: Peter that's extraordinarily kind of you. What I will say is
this, Peter, I'm heterosexual. I've never been publicly kissed a man before but I would be very willing to have an m-peck
snog with you if, if we can raise £1,000 for your favourite charity.
LIZ: [laughs] I can’t imagine there’s
much you wouldn’t do for money. Ooh did I say that?
MAT: Here’s another one.
LIZ: What play was
it? What’s he talking about?
MAT: Probably the one where I was snogging diminutive actress Lisa Hammond, in
the BBC classic Every Time You Look At Me. We had fun. We snogged basically for about three days because they did all the
kissing scenes back to back.
LIZ: Really? Was she good?
MAT: She's a good kisser.
very good kisser.
LIZ: Were there tongues?
MAT: No we were acting Liz.
LIZ: Well you know it could
slip in. Just checking.
MAT: And moving on, mmm [laughs]. It didn’t slip in at any point Liz. So Dear Mat and
LIZ: Did anything slip in?
LIZ: Look I've got to ask these questions, the
public wants to know. Did anything slip in while you were…
MAT: Ladies and Gentlemen, of the uninitiated to
the acting profession, the craft, if you will…
LIZ: Look and how do you act a kiss?
MAT: Well you basically…
you approach it in two ways. I always like… because it’s usually women that I'm kissing, and what with sexual
politics, I usually like to say, “How would you like to approach this?” and they say either like…
yeah you’re so right on at this… I like to do this properly, oh, oh, oh.
MAT: Well you do, you don’t
LIZ: Why don’t you just get your lips out and go for it?
MAT: Well that’s what
I like to hear from them.
LIZ: Are you like that on a date with people? “How would you like to approach this?”
hah, sexual politics are so important to me.
MAT: No listen when you’re acting a kiss, you rent a little bit
of yourself, the part that's playing the character, into actually “doing it for real,” – inverted commas,
so that it sells well because the camera can tell if you’re lying. However, as actors, you’re not actually getting
off on each other, or with each other, from the kissing. It’s a weird sort of in-betweeniness that I can’t really
explain but suffice to say that if I was…
LIZ: No but it was actually just meant for a little, a little bit
of comedy purposes but now it’s actually become a bit of a kissing master class…
and frankly it’s a bit boring.
MAT: Bit boring, bit ‘us’ off me.
LIZ: Yeah so you've got
number two email.
MAT: Yeah, ‘Dear Mat and Liz…”
I'm 24. I became disabled at 13,” (lucky number), “… and have never met another disabled person in my life.
I kind of feel that if I talk to them or hang out with them publicly their handicapped life will rub off on me and make me
look more special than I am. You two seem to hang out exclusively with disabled people and have totally immersed yourself
in the world and I just don’t get it. Why don’t you just be normal? I want to see people… I want people
to see me and not my disability,” Carl, the Isle of Wight.
LIZ: That explains a lot, the Isle of Wight reference.
MAT: My brother grew up on the Isle of Wight …
LIZ: Did he?
and he was, I'm sad to say, the only gay in the village…
MAT: … it was one of them.
There was him and Marc Almond, as far as he was concerned.
LIZ: I love that line about, you know, when people want
to just see you and not your disability. I think well [laughs] I mean have you seen us.
MAT: Do you look in a mirror?
MAT: You know, oh unless you’re blind…
MAT: … because, I…
you don’t see my disability you've probably got problems of a visual type I would think. It’s pretty obvious.
of Wight, Carl, mate, just a small thing, your disability is part of you.
MAT: Sorry. Anyway
LIZ: Don’t get a bit radical, bit radical, bit radical, but…
MAT: Why do you talk, “Bit
radical, bit radical,” why are you suddenly talking like that, “My mother-in-law,” pure Les Dawson. Sorry,
American listeners, he was a classic old style comedian.
MAT: [laughs] You’re doing some great
LIZ: Sometimes when there's pauses I'm just looking at him across the studio in disbelief if you’re
wondering. “Hello Mat and Liz, I love the Podcast. I have always listened to it. I am visually impaired, blind and studying
MAT: Oh yeah.
LIZ: “… I want to be a radio presented and I want to see if
I could have some experience on your show as I am disabled…”
MAT: Dear, oh dear.
I would like to know how it works for disabled people getting into the industry. It would be great to hear from you,”
Rosie from Cambridge.
MAT: Do blind people ever want to do anything else than being in radio?
as if they thing they can’t do anything else. Peter White what monsters have you created.
LIZ: [laughs] everyone
wants to be a Peter White.
MAT: Can we get this woman’s number?
LIZ: Wouldn’t that be a great
name for a band the Peter White Fan Club?
MAT: It would.
LIZ: Wouldn’t it?
MAT: Yeah. I love
LIZ: Write it down we love him.
MAT: I am a fan of Peter White.
LIZ: We just met him
in the café…
MAT: But I think we should call this…
LIZ: … before we came in.
no hang on let’s call this woman’s bluff…
LIZ: … but I was just telling people, we just
met him didn’t we? How showbiz did we feel?
LIZ: ... we’re having a coffee just before
we did the show and Peter White turns up.
MAT: Look I'm…
MAT: … we’re
actually going to get this Rosie on the line now.
LIZ: Are we okay.
MAT: Look she wants to get into radio
let’s give her an initiation.
LIZ: Ooh. What are we going to advise her?
MAT: She’s student, yeah?
is a student.
MAT: So we could give her nutritional tips.
MAT: I heard a very good one
from my friend Lily Dumont which was…
LIZ: Listen, listen
MAT: ... always eat
a bit of salad with the burger.
LIZ: Oh that’s good.
MAT: It’s a good tip.
LIZ: And the
PHONE: Welcome to the Orange Answer phone.
MAT: Ooh we can leave her a message.
sorry but the person you called is not available.
MAT: Why do they always get Moira Stewart to do the Orange Answer
PHONE: Please leave your message after the tone. If you want to rerecord your message…
PHONE: Press one…
MAT: Yeah thanks.
PHONE: ... at any time. [beep]
LIZ: Hi Rosie. This is Liz.
MAT: And this is Mat.
LIZ: We’re calling up from the Podcast.
We’re live, kind of…
MAT: Mmm, this is all being recorded onto Podcast 13.
LIZ: You wanted some
tips on getting into radio, hmm, obviously I can’t talk about sleeping with people because that would just be cheap.
though that’s how Peter White and Damon Rose got into their profession.
LIZ: For us it’s actually not
true at all we just fell into it.
MAT: Yeah, literally…
LIZ: Didn’t we?
MAT: … yeah
it was a hole called The End of your Career.
LIZ: I think there is something I’d say and that is that it’s
harder than it looks. I know it just probably seems that we get in front of a microphone and just talk rubbish for two hours
which is then edited down. Actually we talk rubbish for about six hours that's edited down to about one hour, don’t
MAT: Mmm, she's going to edit this.
LIZ: She is [laughs].
MAT: I would just say one thing, word
of advice… let’s give her one bit of student advice, now you went to university. I hung out at a university…
all I would say is this, you know when people give you little pills on a Friday night at the bar, best if you don’t
take them. Don’t take them Rosie, don’t take them. That's my bit of advice what’s yours Liz?
your laundry quite regular.
MAT: There we are happy university days to you darling.
LIZ: Sensible stuff there.
No enjoy that.
MAT: And give us a message back maybe.
LIZ: Yeah do give us a call, you know, maybe we’ll
get you into the studio sometime. I believe that you’re doing some student radio today. It’s your premiere so
let us know how that went. Take care, bye. Eeeeeee.
MAT: That’ll make her year won’t it?
she’ll play it on her show wouldn’t that be great?
MAT: Oh my gosh she will.
that be great. It’s like we can keep doing that, she can play our messages, we can play hers and it can be…
LIZ: Ooh I feel like an agony aunt now. I’d
love to do agony aunt stuff.
MAT: You’d be very good at it.
LIZ: I would love to do that.
Liz – I have erectile dysfunction…
LIZ: I haven’t… yeah?
MAT: … what should
LIZ: Mmm.Have you?
LIZ: No I'm just checking [laughs].
MAT: No I was only playing
a role to see…
MAT: Oh okay.
MAT: Shall we go on to item 3?
LIZ: Yeah it’s our famous questionnaire segment.
MAT: That is the top jingle of the
LIZ: Isn’t it? Forget Lawrence Clarke.
MAT: Let’s do it again in his style.
LIZ: A tribute to Lawrence Clarke. Anyway we still have the Podcast questionnaire that you can link
MAT: You know all the questions like; what do you most like to see in a Podcast? What do you like most about being
disabled? What do you like least?
LIZ: Oh yes.
MAT: If there was a rock band that we were making what would
it be called.
LIZ: I love this – “Liz at Ch---, Copenhagen, Denmark,” however you pronounce that,
“Disability Swapshop,” I love this, the impairment that she's got: cerebral palsy, impairment she'd like: something
involving a feeding tube [laughs].
MAT: They are getting weird. Amy Kavanagh says that being disabled and all you
must be very brave, what’s the bravest thing you’ve done lately? She says, “Caring for my concussed boyfriend.”
nice of you must have been a student.
LIZ: What would you like to see on a future Podcast, bit serious this, “Just
be careful about doing too much serious stuff about how we can manage our disability. You’re the only forum that's brave
enough to keep taking the piss, don’t stop. Keep being funny, keep being political.” Thanks Jan Sutton in Norwich.
Jan. Bert would like to see more cripple curling on future Podcasts, a new sport pushing us crips into other crips on ice.
I like the sound of that.
LIZ: [laughs] Just love that and Jez Stirling from Hong Kong, ooo exciting. “Worse
name that you’ve ever been called? Jeremy it’s my real name.”
LIZ: I rather
like that but this, this is fascinating. He's not a cripple by the way, not a cripple at all but what’s annoyed him
most recently – being presumed to have a disability, “Just because I wanted to show my support for a Podcast by
answering an online questionnaire,” ooh okay. Tell us something we don’t know though. “Here in Hong Kong
there are a large number of beggars with some extreme deformities.”
MAT: Good to know.
LIZ: Like that.
well I've got Becky Dubarry whose favourite Podcast moment was Rob Crossan’s adventures in internet dating. “It
was great. I almost blew coffee out of my nose. I had to cover it up with a round of hacking. The guy in the cubicle next
to me peeped his head over to make sure I was okay,” what kind of cubicle was that Becky? Mmm.
I think we’d better wrap those us don’t you?
LIZ: Let’s wrap it up. So don’t forget keep them
coming, keep the emails, keep answering the questionnaires, they’re great we love them and send them to email@example.com
[clink]. Chin, chin.
[Jingle: The Ouch Podcast)
LIZ: Have you noticed then?
there’s something missing.
MAT: Oh there is indeed.
LIZ: There is isn’t there? There is. Where
MAT: I don’t know.
LIZ: Where’s Mr Rob Crossan this month? Hello Rob.
LIZ: Hello there. Are you alright mate.
MAT: Hello Rob.
ROB: Hello Mat.
LIZ: Oh we miss
MAT: Where are you mate?
ROB: I miss you too.
MAT: Where are you?
ROB: I’m in a
beer garden in salubrious West London in Latimer Road.
LIZ: Rob have you got a sense of, er, what you might be doing
ROB: No I've got absolutely no idea.
ROB: Not at all. Well I was, yeah, I
was hoping you would tell me sort of quite quickly and so I could…
MAT: Well we were hoping you’d like
to take a guess. Here’s a clue: All disabled people must do this to prove their worth.
ROB: Erm, fall over,
LIZ: Hmm, you do all of them most of the time particularly after being in the pub.
ROB: Play a special needs instrument so a Glockenspiel or the Kazoo?
LIZ: Er no,no.
at a dead loss then.
MAT: Think heroic, tragic but brave, disability.
ROB: So do you want me to climb up Everest
with an ostrich on my back.
LIZ: Ooh, hoo, hoo.
LIZ: Gor, haw.
MAT: Ah ha.
Unfortunately Central London doesn’t have too many mountains.
LIZ: [sings] Lah, lah,
MAT: So you won’t be able to ford every stream Rob, however, we’re sending you to a Sports Centre
ROB: Oh no.
MAT: … they may have what we’d like to thing of as somewhat of a substitute.
ROB: Oh no. What I'm going rock climbing?
LIZ: Oh we couldn’t possibly say could we?
possibly say. You might think that but we couldn’t possibly comment.
LIZ: [laughs] No we couldn’t. We
want to leave the listeners hanging on in anticipation.
ROB: Oh I see what you did there.
you might be later.
MAT: I hope you’ve got strong knuckles. Okay we’ll see you later mate.
see you later. Okay cheers, bye, bye, bye.
MAT: Ooh and hold on a second there when he's up the mountain he won’t
be able to talk to us.
LIZ: [laughs] No, no.
MAT: Good job we've got Emma Tracey on the game then.
Emma’s you know…
MAT: Oh my gosh good point.
So we've got audio description…
MAT: So hold on there we've got an albino climbing a mountain while a blind
woman tries to describe what’s happening. What’s she going to say? She’ll have to do it from all the auditory
clues isn’t she?
LIZ: So then there's going to be somebody advising her.
MAT: This could be fun.
could have like 18 PAs advising.
MAT: Oh my God it’s going to be like a ((grey ice 17:42?)) show. So we’ll
find out more about Rob’s rocky adventures a little bit later on.
LAWRENCE: No it’s time for
Vegetable, Vegetable or Vegetable.
LIZ: It’s the Vegetable Quiz, one year old. We’re going to dissect
vegetables and find out what’s wrong with them, kind of like radio doctors really, aren’t we and just as tactful.
for those of you who don’t know yet here’s how it works. We get a disabled caller on the line and Liz and I have
to guess what’s wrong with them.
LIZ: No but this month in a celebrity first for our little radio game we’ve
got Professor Stephen Hawking, I know, on the phone from his home to help us guess what’s wrong with our contestant.
just going to have to leave the studio for a second Liz can you carry on?
LIZ: Yeah okay. I really can’t believe,
to be honest, that we've got him. I'm absolutely thrilled. So yeah, okay, hello Professor are you on the line, hello Professor?
HAWKING: Yes. [whistling noise]
LIZ: Professor how are you?
STEPHEN HAWKING: I’m well thank you and you?
yeah we’re great thank you. It’s an absolute honour, absolute honour to have you help us with our quiz Vegetable,
Vegetable or Vegetable. Have you heard it before?
STEPHEN HAWKING: Yes.
LIZ: Really, are you a fan of the
STEPHEN HAWKING: Yes.
LIZ: Well that's fantastic. Well could you stay there a minute Professor
I just want to speak to our contestant?
STEPHEN HAWKING: Yes.
LIZ: Hello Brian in Dublin.
how you doing? How are you?
LIZ: Hello I'm fantastic. Now you've got to be very careful Brian don’t give away
what’s wrong with you or we win by default and if you’re a listener you'll know we’re always winning…
I know. So tell us a bit about yourself anyway.
BRIAN: Oh God I work in an airline.
LIZ: Okay [laughs]. Okay.
work in IT.
LIZ: And you live in?
BRIAN: I live in Dublin in Ireland….
BRIAN: Yeah quite close to the airport.
LIZ: Okay excellent and I think we’re going to get…
well there he goes. Well Brian this is quite a different than what we normally do we’ve actually got Professor Stephen
Hawking listening and joining in today. Brian have you got anything you…
STEPHEN HAWKING: Hello Brian.
Professor how are you?
STEPHEN HAWKING: I'm good.
BRIAN: Good glad to hear you.
LIZ: So Brian…
LIZ: [laughs] Have you got… little bit of a time delay there. Have you got any big questions
maybe to ask our super brain today?
BRIAN: Oh God, what are you a professor in? What’s you official title?
LIZ: Are you okay? I think he's typing it out.
BRIAN: Ah okay.
it will take time. It could be quite a long game to be honest.
BRIAN: Okay I've got lots of time.
STEPHEN HAWKING: Actually
I'm a famous physicist. Have you read my book…
BRIAN: I haven’t, I’d love to.
STEPHEN HAWKING: …
A Brief History of Time? Available at all good bookstores.
BRIAN: Excellent I’d love to read that.
maybe we can send one out as a… you know if you win…
BRIAN: I’d love that.
we’ll get you a Podcast mug and a book.
BRIAN: Excellent there's a challenge.
LIZ: Excellent. Well I'm
going to read out the instructions, Vegetable, Vegetable or Vegetable, is a cleaver disability interpretation of the parlour
game Animal, Vegetable or Mineral. In the game the two hosts at the Ouch Podcast have 90 seconds to guess what is wrong with
the disabled caller on the line, by asking a series of fiendishly intelligent questions. The caller must only answer ‘Yes’
or ‘No’. It’s both classic and therapeutic. Now to take part in this intrusive and unpleasant game the rules
clearly state that you have to be disabled, now Brian are you disabled?
LIZ: Okay so bear
in mind it’s going to be me and the Professor asking you questions. We've got 90 seconds on the clock. Remember answer
only ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. The time starts now.
STEPHEN HAWKING: Are you made of string?
you got arms?
BRIAN: I have.
STEPHEN HAWKING: Do you go to Stringfellows?
you have legs?
STEPHEN HAWKING: Do you like to watch the ladies?
BRIAN: I love to wa--
LIZ: Are you blind?
LIZ: You are?
BRIAN: But you’re
STEPHEN HAWKING: Are you clinically dead?
LIZ: So have you got something wrong
with you as well as being blind?
LIZ: Oh no…
STEPHEN HAWKING: Have you got a head?
God, er, have you got eczema?
STEPHEN HAWKING: Can you
see eye to eye?
LIZ: No, are you totally blind as a bat?
LIZ: God do
you know Damon is that why?
STEPHEN HAWKING: Motor neurone disease?
STEPHEN HAWKING: It’s
the best one you know.
BRIAN: No. I don’t have motor neurone disease.
LIZ: You've not even got a diagnosis
that maybe you might have it?
LIZ: It doesn’t run in the family?
HAWKING: Are you rotting?
LIZ: Okay, can you… do you use a wheelchair?
use a wheelchair as well. Have you got arthritis?
LIZ: Have you got ME?
LIZ: Cerebral palsy?
STEPHEN HAWKING: Have you got the full
use of your skin?
STEPHEN HAWKING: Narcoleptic?
you narcoleptic? Oh no dyslexia I've said that, epilepsy?
LIZ: That's not why you’re in a
wheelchair. Have you broken your leg?
STEPHEN HAWKING: Epileptic.
LIZ: Oh no, okay I kind of got
it, I kind of well…
BRIAN: You were half right.
LIZ: I'm half right, okay Brian it’s time for
you to tell us what is wrong with you and put us out of our misery.
BRIAN: Okay then I have arthroporosis which effects
my poor arm joints and my poor knee joints and that's why I'm in a wheelchair.
LIZ: But I've never heard of that.
That's not fair.
BRIAN: Ah a new one for you.
LIZ: Brian what kind of questions do people ask you when they
BRIAN: Were you always like that? Is a big question people always ask me.
STEPHEN HAWKING: Do you get
angry at normal people?
BRIAN: Do I what sorry?
LIZ: What did you say Professor?
STEPHEN HAWKING: Do
you get angry at normal people?
BRIAN: No I don’t get angry I just laugh.
LIZ: [laughs] So you…
I was going to say what do you say to them when people ask you, you know, “Have you always been like that?”
just kind of go, “Yeah I've always been like that, yeah, all me life,” [laughs].
LIZ: [laughs] Oh bless
them those questions.
BRIAN: Kids are the funniest.
STEPHEN HAWKING: Are you married?
STEPHEN HAWKING: Is she attractive?
BRIAN: Oh she's lovely, yes.
LIZ: Okay I think maybe…
didn’t Stephen have a thing with his nurse or something?
BRIAN: Ah okay.
LIZ: Yeah that's nice.
LIZ: Well Brian.
STEPHEN HAWKING: Yes.
LIZ: He did obviously, yeah. A little awkward at this
point but Brian thank you, you've beat us yet again. You know what that means, not only do you get our anniversary Podcast
mug but you also get, maybe a signed copy, I don’t know can Stephen Hawking write?
BRIAN: Oh I don’t know.
LIZ: He can.
LIZ: Excellent we’re learning a lot about Mr
STEPHEN HAWKING: Quite slowly.
BRIAN: Okay excellent. Well thanks Stephen.
HAWKING: It took me a long time to write the book.
LIZ: Right Brian it’s been an absolute pleasure thanks
very much there.
BRIAN: Okay thanks Liz.
LIZ: Take care. Bye-bye.
BRIAN: Okay cheers bye-bye.
are you still there?
LIZ: Thank you it’s been an absolute pleasure.
STEPHEN HAWKING: Thank
LIZ: Thank you.
STEPHEN HAWKING: Too.
LIZ: My God. So remember folks if, er, you know, if you
want to take part in the next Vegetable, Vegetable or Vegetable, anything could happen, you never know who will be guessing,
then email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
, that's email@example.com
MAT: Oh God. [coughs]
LIZ: You would not believe…
MAT: Sorry about that.
you've missed the whole thing.
MAT: I’ve what?
LIZ: I had Stephen Hawking…
MAT: Have I
LIZ: Yeah while you were in the loo.
MAT: Oh I wanted to ask him some stuff.
MAT: There's something I've wanted to ask you for some time but I've actually been a bit embarrassed to.
know, you know when we meet, like socially and stuff?
LIZ: Uh huh.
MAT: And you've got your PA?
MAT: I never know whether I'm meant to say hello to them or not, you know. Like one time when I offered you a
drink I quite mistakenly offered your PA a drink and she declined but with a kind of semi frown that made me think, ‘Oh
God, have I done… was that inappropriate? Was that…’ What are the rules of engagement with a PA? What
do you do?
LIZ: She probably just she didn’t like you but…
MAT: Well I sensed that right from
the beginning but no what I mean… I'm quite serious about this, you know, a lot of people… a lot of disabled people
use PAs and a lot of people don’t know how to act with them, including other disabled people like myself.
some people as well won’t know what a PA is, actually, I'm just thinking…
MAT: Could you tell us?
you know cos, I mean, you know, people abroad will listen to us, so your traditional carers, aren’t they, you've got
care assistants, personal assistants are seen by a lot of disabled people as being a much clearer term. It’s personal
and it’s unique to you. They usually…
LIZ: … you know the difference between
a carer and a personal assistant, I always think is, you know, carers put blankets on your legs and PAs will only put a blanket
on your leg if you ask for it, kind of thing…
LIZ: … they’re much more under
your direction. You often pay for them say with direct payments or you give them the money. So you’re the boss but the
difference, I think with a personal assistant is you are very much the boss. You tell them how you’d like things doing…
LIZ: … and they assist you with the things you can’t do in your life and I… I mean yeah you're
right, I mean, I've got… I have personal assistants 24 hours a day.
LIZ: So I have them always
LIZ: And so no people really don’t know do they?
MAT: And presumably it’s different for each, sort of working relationship?
I mean that’s the only thing I'm going to say here…
MAT: But what’s your take on it?
well all I can talk about is how I do it, yeah, definitely. I think for me, because I have somebody with me all the time...
LIZ: … but they’re very much, as you’ve noticed, in the background.
and they… that's their role. They know that from when they come to interview. There's no surprise. There's no, you know,
all of a sudden…
MAT: So are these the rules of engagement that you set up?
LIZ: Yes absolutely, totally.
So I will ask them, you know, at interview, I will say, “Okay, what kind of things can you do to respect my privacy?
How will you do that at home and how will you do that when I'm out?” And I will… so I’ll ask them. “So
say I'm in a pub or something like that what would you do so that I can maintain my privacy with my mates?” So I'm expecting
them to say, and be comfortable with things like, “Well I’d go away and come back,” or “I’d
sit at a separate table and come back.”
MAT: Uh huh.
LIZ: “Or I’d go and wait in the car,”
some people have even said. You know I’d be waiting for them to be okay with that and then I’d think, “Okay
well you’re on my wavelength,” because for me, if I'm with my mates, I need to be able to be me and for me I don’t
feel I can if I've got people that I employ there.
LIZ: You know I couldn’t be rude. I couldn’t
talk personally. I always think for a friend, I mean you must find it, if there's somebody else there…
I was going to say from my perspective it, it’s fine and everything and one immediately, with you, knows immediately
that's how the working relationship is and you respect that. However, because I've now known you, you know, because we work
together a lot…
LIZ: Yeah, yeah.
MAT: … I'm actually getting to know them…
and it’s got to the point where they are people, they’re not just PAs…
LIZ: Yeah, yeah.
and I don’t know whether, I mean, clearly the working relationship stays the same and my relationship is with you and
not them, you know.
LIZ: For sure.
MAT: However, like, er, what am I trying to say? Like the time we were
in the car…
MAT: … we went to Blackpool to do a gig together. We were in a car for
five hours together and I know I was a little irritated because I’d had too much coffee and I'm sorry about that but…
were very, very amusing.
MAT: … but, in a way your PA became part of the discussion at one point and it was…
I was like, “Oh so is this different or…”
LIZ: She became part of the discussion because you were
tapping on her shoulder going [click, click, click, click, click, click]…
MAT: That's because she's from South
Africa and I thought she was going to…
LIZ: … you know, “Can you speak that Erica?” [click,
click, click] “Isn’t there a tribe in South Africa that speak like that? Do you know them?”
was just ribbing her…
MAT: … with a little bit of friendly racism.
that's nice and she’d never heard of that particular dialect had she?
MAT: No but the point is…
now when you rang me the other day and, er, I said, “Oh yes Erica’s working today,” and he goes, “Give
her a click-click from me.” [laughs]
MAT: So have I… okay well let’s use that as an example
have I crossed your professional engagement line there then?
LIZ: No. That feels fine. Yeah that feels fine.
it’s a bit like once you know the rules are there and you know people know the rules then you can relax them in a way.
So you’re… you’re with me a lot of the time…
LIZ: … friends and family
are with me all the time, so you know, friends, partner, whoever, who know them, you know.
MAT: Okay I'm going to…
MAT: … step it up a bit okay?
LIZ: Okay come on.
MAT: Let’s just… we’re
going hypothetical now…
LIZ: Yeah, yeah.
MAT: … cos just for the record…
I'm very happy with my partner, how does it… well how does it feel for you…
and I would imagine that this feeds into every insecurity that a disabled person that uses a PA has, if somebody goes, “I
fancy your PA. Can I ask her out?”
LIZ: They just die.
LIZ: They just pretty much
MAT: What the PA has to die?
LIZ: No the friend yeah.
MAT: Right so that's crossing the line.
That's very much crossing that… can I…
MAT: I can completely appreciate that, of course I do, but how
is one to know? I mean I know because I've been around disabled people with PAs for like a long time.
LIZ: All people…
I mean people don’t… I think one thing you could do, I mean everyone will have insecurities, whether it’s
a friends or a partner or whatever, of somebody asking your PA out or your carer, or whoever they are to you…
so we've all got those insecurities. How do you know? I think partly you give that off. So I think there's something about
the two personal assistants that I have at the moment, they’re very… they give off this air of they are not there.
They read, you know, if they were in here now they’d be sitting in the corner reading, minding their own business…
they would, of course, be laughing. They’re human beings, excellent people, yet one of the lines I give out, right,
is that to me my personal assistants we’re friendly but we’re not friends.
said they’ve worked for me for like three or four years.
MAT: So you must have got to know them?
know them really well but I don’t know their life stories.
MAT: So you don’t see them outside the professional
LIZ: No not at all and I think in some work environments that's the same. If this was any other job you
MAT: Well a personal assistant is a personal assistant. It’s used for work I suppose. So…
I think I'm quite, you know, saying this and I know that there'll be people going, “Oh my God,” because, I, you
know, I get people think I'm a real bitch because of the way that I have personal assistants.
MAT: No I don’t
think that at all.
LIZ: No but people do. You mightn’t but you know.
MAT: I do actually but…
LIZ: And some of us with do it differently and some people need their personal assistants with them
all the time, don’t they?
MAT: Do you know any disabled people that use personal assistants in a very different
LIZ: Oh God yeah.
MAT: Like, well don’t name names but give me an example of somebody who does
LIZ: Somebody whose personal assistant would, you know, if we went out to the pub they would be joining
in and there and talking about themselves and whatever and that just irritates me, you know, and I want to slap them, but
you have to respect that, so like you’re respecting how I do it, you respect how other people do it, you know.
that just human Liz?
LIZ: Isn’t that human? Mmm mmm [laughs].
MAT: I have to say I respect, I respect
the way you’re doing it. I'm distracted. There's a man wandering round in the studio.
LIZ: Yeah shouldn’t
we still be talking about the topic?
MAT: Oh God yeah we’re meant to be professionals, so that's fascinating
LIZ: You don’t sound like it.
MAT: Now what if I wanted a PA?
LIZ: Yeah. What would you…
no I want to know stuff from you. So is it really weird for you the way I do things? Tell me about the outside perception
and when you first met me and all of that, yeah.
MAT: Okay the first consideration is, okay I don’t understand
the relationship and how I'm meant to fit into this, look and learn, stay quiet, watch, err on the side of caution, if in
doubt leave it out.
MAT: And after a few meetings with you everything that you've said about how
you show out that working relationship becomes immediately apparent and you just fall into line. Having said that Lawrence,
for example, Lawrence Clarke, you know listeners he's the one that does our idents and stuff, he's more, the PAs that I've
met with him have more been the also chatting at the pub type, you know.
MAT: And so because everybody’s
got different rules there are no rules are there? So it’s an individual case and so you have to learn it with each person
you have to learn it.
LIZ: I think that's it you don’t want your friends to be uncomfortable either but one
of the things, when I've had people say, “Oh it must be awful,” you know, “You send them off and they’re
not allowed to be part of things,” and I say, “Well you’re assuming they want to be part of my life. You’re
assuming they want to hang round with you,” but I’d really like to know what other people do, how they do it,
and what they find acceptable or not.
MAT: Well why don’t we round off this little section of PA discussion
by asking the listeners.
MAT: And the Podcast listeners and the actual website readers, you know,
if they’ve got any, huh, I mean perhaps you'll get a few more offers of a different kind of personal assistance Liz.
Okay that would be great. I mean I do think one thing to say I think you change. I think that, you know, the personal assistant’s
relationship is one, I've employed PAs now since the very early ‘90s so it’s like over 15 years and who and how
I do it is totally different now and when I began I thought, ‘I want them to be mates, because it will be great fun.
They’re with me all the time. It will be like having permanent friends and we can do anything.’ Absolute recipe
for disaster. Recipe for disaster because telling your friends they’re not doing things properly, or asking your friends
to do things, you know, you think about them don’t you?
MAT: Well I've long not agreed with, you know, sometimes
you do have a friendship with a working relationship but I’d prefer to keep them separate because they can become very
LIZ: So you know you change, things change, I’d be interested in how other people do things but I'm
really glad you asked , thank you, anyway because a lot of people are…
MAT: You know I actually wanted to have
LIZ: You were nervous weren't you?
MAT: Yeah I’ve actually wanted to have this
discussion ever since I've known you and it’s really weird that we’re doing it on air but it is right, probably
right for the Podcast.
LIZ: Yes because there's other people, I'm sure, thinking it.
MAT: And I would like
a personal assistant.
MAT: And any suggestions…
LIZ: I’d hate to think of what
kind of things you’d want them for Mat.
MAT: Any suggestions as to what I might need them for are most welcome.
we sent Rob out to climb a mountain. So let’s see how he's doing now.
MAT: Yeah are you there Rob?
MAT: Are you beyond your normal boundaries?
ROB: [laughs] I can’t even see where the boundary
was in the first place.
LIZ: Where are you actually now Rob?
ROB: I’m in a climbing centre I’m
sort of on top of the West Way in West London.
MAT: Ha, I know it, I know that place. Oh brilliant.
am so annoyed you've made me do this.
LIZ: Oh bless.
MAT: Tough luck mate now have you
got an instructor there? I blooming hope so.
MAT: Have you got an instructor with you?
do I have an instructor, yes, he's called… it’s Ben isn’t it? Is that right? It’s Ben yeah. Would
you like to speak to him?
MAT: We would yeah.
LIZ: We want to make sure you’re in good hands.
Ben. This is Liz from the Ouch Podcast. Hello.
LIZ: So you've got our Rob there. What are you
going to do with him?
BEN: What am I going to do with him?
BEN: I'm going to coax him up
the wall roughly…
MAT: How big is it?
BEN: It’s roughly 15 metres high.
BEN: Yes he’s going up what looks like a chimney, an open chimney so he's got three sides to play with.
How many have you lost?
BEN: How many have I lost?
to date. Where’s a bit of wood? None to date.
MAT: And you've worked with albinos before
BEN: I beg your pardon?
MAT: And you've worked with albinos before?
BEN: I've worked with albinos
MAT: Okay, no problem.
LIZ: Oh really. That's a perfect qualification. Let’s get back to Rob
then. You take care of him alright?
BEN: I will do here’s Rob.
MAT: He's like the SAS guy from Beyond
LIZ: He is, he's like Ken. Yeah so are you… weren't you the one that wanted to go on Celebrity Beyond
ROB: But I didn’t say that.
ROB: In a moment of drunken career desperation
I might have.
MAT: Do you feel a little daunted by the prospect ahead of you mate?
I've got to be quite honest and say well I had a gin and tonic beforehand so I'm feeling slightly numb and so it should be
okay but if this is my last appearance then maybe you should get the adverts out.
LIZ: So come on, get on with it
now. We’d like you to start climbing.
MAT: Can you pass the phone to Emma?
then I’ll put you over to Emma, alright?
LIZ: Bonne chance.
MAT: Yeah up you go mate.
knowing you mate, bye.
MAT: On his way.
MAT: Hello Emma.
LIZ: Hello Emma.
Mat, hi Liz.
LIZ: Is this your first time vocally on the Podcast.
EMMA: I believe I said, “Be Jesus,”
on the Christmas one.
LIZ: Oh excellent.
MAT: It’s lovely to have you back. Listeners, as you know,
Emma Tracey is our superb researcher and it’s nice to hear her dulcet Irish tones isn’t it? To be sure.
lyrical, lyrical. I bet you’re a good singer?
EMMA: I have been known to stand up in a pub every now and again.
bet you have, yeah.
MAT: Now this is going to be a little odd because we need you to describe what’s happening
and yet you’re a blind woman.
EMMA: Yeah so that's a bit of a challenge. It’s kind of beyond my boundaries
as well as Rob’s.
LIZ: Wow this is really…
MAT: Well come on it’s tragic but be brave.
could… if only there was a film crew there, do you know what I mean?
MAT: Oh my God would it win an award?
would, three series.
EMMA: I've got a video on my phone but I don’t think I have enough battery unfortunately.
how are we… can you just grab a passer-by maybe and get them to describe to you what’s happening and then you
can tell us?
EMMA: Well okay.
MAT: You might just stick your arms out and whiz round and you’ll hit
LIZ: Just find someone, shout out.
EMMA: Well all I can find is my access worker for the day, Fidelis.
LIZ: Beautiful name.
EMMA: She's from St Lucia so she could help me.
LIZ: Do we know… we
want to know if he's up the wall. He could be right up it now.
EMMA: Rob. Rob where are you?
ROB: I don’t
LIZ: Where’s he gone? [laughs]
MAT: He sounds like about a mile away.
EMMA: He was a bit
MAT: No wonder gin and tonic and boxer shorts.
LIZ: Serves him right.
MAT: Okay well get…
what was your friend called from St Lucia?
MAT: What was your person called from St Lucia.
you get Fidelis to tell you what’s happening and you can tell us?
EMMA: Fidelis what’s happening?
climbing down now.
EMMA: He's climbing down and he's leaning back.
LIZ: Can you.. can you shout out to him?
How does he feel up there?
EMMA: Rob, Rob, come back up.
LIZ: Why is he coming down?
EMMA: He's come
LIZ: Go up.
MAT: Tell him he needs to go all the way to the top.
LIZ: We want 15 metres
worth. This is BBC budget, 15 metres or nothing.
EMMA: Yeah well he's actually going up it quite quickly but then
when he goes up there he seems kind of wrecked. So he’s climbing up now. Tell me exactly what he's doing Fidelis?
EMMA: Yeah but what kind of motions is he making?
LIZ: Is he doing it fast? Is he like Spiderman?
EMMA: He's relaxed.
LIZ: He's relaxed.
EMMA: He seems relaxed yeah. I don’t believe
MAT: I think he's just unconscious, just hanging from the rope.
LIZ: Is he in a harness? Is he
in a big harness?
EMMA: And you know the way our Rob can cover up these things.
MAT: Yeah. Could you get him…
we need proof that he's actually up there. Can you get him to yodel like Tarzan or something?
EMMA: Okay one second,
okay hang on. Rob, Rob, Rob, yodel… yodel for us.
This is really surreal.
LIZ: He sounds like he's howling like a banshee. Emma, Emma, can you ask him… tell him
to describe what he can see from up there.
EMMA: Rob, Rob, what can you see from up there?
ROB: Lots of strange
sea-shells hanging out of the wall.
EMMA: Can you hear that?
EMMA: He said, “Lots of
strange sea-shells hanging out of the wall.”
LIZ: How high is he, how high is he?
EMMA: I don’t
think he can see the ground. How high are you?
ROB: I don’t want to know.
EMMA: Don’t want to
know. Can you see the ground?
LIZ: Tell him to look down. Tell him to look down.
him not to bother, let’s face it he's visually impaired.
LIZ: Oh yeah.
MAT: Yeah. Okay look we’re
going to come back to you later but that’s really good. Keep Fidelis with you because I think we’re going to need
his skills. The three of you are working very well together, the four of you.
EMMA: It’s a her.
MAT: Your lovely lady from St Lucia and you and Rob and his very manly person.
do you want to speak to him, he's on his way back down?
LIZ: No keep him up there and we’ll come back to him
MAT: Keep him up there yes., no. Good luck.
MAT: Usually when you see a disabled person
on telly it’s in a documentary about them, sometimes from a bit of a weird perspective maybe.
LIZ: But with
all this new technology, more media outlets, disabled people are grasping the reins and broadcasting themselves.
us today are three people doing just that. Steven Scott is a presenter on Insight Radio, a new FM radio station in Glasgow
for blind people. Damon Fibraio, also blind, is a shock-jock with his own weekly internet radio phone-in out of New Jersey
and Jason Anton, who has Friedrichs Ataxia hosts a monthly public access TV show from his couch. Hello everyone.
start with you Steven. I want to know, your station’s about to go on air, can you tell us a bit about it? What’s
it called? What are you going to be doing?
STEVEN: Well basically what we are is, we are Insight Radio, and what does
that mean? Well quite simply we are a radio station for blind and partially sighted people. It’s an interesting idea
because most people argue that every radio station is for blind and partially sighted people but our station’s slightly
different and there are a number of areas that we cover that allow us to be different. For example, we’re not a commercial
operation so we have the opportunity to go into a lot more depth and detail. For example, just a simple thing like newspapers.
We have the chance to go into newspapers in depth, talk about newspapers, actually read newspapers and describe the pictures
in them. That's just one example of what we’re about.
LIZ: And how often, you know, are you broadcasting all
the time? What are your hours of operation going to be?
STEVEN; Well at the moment we’re broadcasting online,
on the internet.
STEVEN: And we’re actually… we’re just about… we’re
going under a name change at the moment. As you said we’re called Insight Radio that will be our FM name and at the
moment we’re called VIP On Air but we’re changing over to that at the moment but, as you say, we’re going
to be moving onto FM. We’ll be currently broadcasting between 8 in the morning and 5 at night and hope to continue that.
well Steven good luck with that. I'm just going to bring in Damon now. Now Damon listening to your show you do the kind of
polar opposite of Steven I think. For the listeners we’re going to play a clip now of your show, okay, here we go.
LIZ: Okay yeah. Damon…
DAMON: I forgot that I said that.
MAT: So Damon tell us a little
bit more about your show, although I think we've got the flavour.
DAMON: Well it was inspired by other radio personalities
that I listened to growing up and the general idea is like the name of the show suggests, it’s no holds barred, anything
could happen, I mean we get a lot more raucous and rowdy and violent and dirty that what you heard in that clip but it’s
not geared just to blind people, although a blind person does run it and there are some other blind people on staff who do
DAMON: But it’s just a way for me to be creative in my own way I guess and I
mean I do discuss my visual impairment on the air but it’s not the total…
MAT: It’s not all about
your visual impairment.
DAMON: Yeah I mean we try and include everybody but I want everybody that's out there that
listens to know that I am a disabled individual and that this is, you know, this is what I do.
MAT: Cool, you’re
kind of rewriting disability for all the people who assume all the rubbish.
DAMON: Yeah whether
it’s bad or good remains to be seen.
LIZ: Jason you go by the name J Rock on your TV,
JASON: Yeah Liz.
LIZ: Right we don’t have much access TV in Britain so is it a bit like Wayne’s
JASON: I heard I was like the first American so I just want to say thank you for that.
it’s just, you know, comedy and entertainment.
LIZ: Okay well we’re just going to listen to a clip here
so we know a little bit more about it.
JASON: Sure go ahead.
MAT: Well quite spacey.
was going to say. Jason.
MAT: Are you on drugs?
JASON: That's a sort of Kids In The Hall sort of sketch.
what else because we don’t have Kids In The Hall really. I have heard of it but we don’t have it in the UK. So
can you give us an idea of what you do on there. It sounds a bit surreal.
JASON: Yeah it’s basic comedy. I love
entertaining people and, you know, there's entertainment and there's J Rock entertainment where 49 celebrities have called
me at home.
JASON: Thank you.
MAT: No but I'm asking you J Rock why have 49 celebrities
called you at home? What’s the deal with the celebs?
JASON: Well basically to grab attention for the show.
JASON: They love helping people and they love helping me,. So I brought them to the show and if you
look at my ratings you'll know that it’s helping.
MAT: Okay who’s the most famous person
you've had endorse?
JASON: The most famous person is probably going to be a WWF Wrestler. He put me in his book. His
name is Mick Foley and the book is called Mick Foley The Hardcore Diaries.
MAT: Okay well we've never heard of him.
he, who’s he?
MAT: I've heard of Dan Severn, speaking of no holds barred and I was pretty impressed with that
not that any of the other listeners will know but listen if you could get, if you could get, J Rock, the most famous English
person to endorse who would it be? Who would you like? We’ll see what we can do.
JASON: Oh probably Regis Philman.
Philman who’s that?
LIZ: I have no idea. Oh doesn’t he do breakfast.
JASON: He's a talk-show host.
well we’ll see what we can do J. Okay.
LIZ: Steven and Damon I want
to know, you know, are blind people obsessed with radio is that why you’re doing it?
DAMON: Well I don’t
think it’s so much an obsession although I know a lot of people who do it.
DAMON: But I don’t
know that it’s an obsession. It may well be that we all need just something to do. I don’t know.
see our producer is blind and all the researchers are blind and one of the main radio broadcasters on the BBC, Peter White,
is blind. Just a bit of a coincidence maybe but yeah. Steven what do you say to that?
STEVEN: Well I don’t know.
I don’t think people, blind people are necessarily obsessed with radio in that sense, not at all. I think that, I mean
for example at Insight Radio we give people a chance to come on air in the most fully accessible studios in the country and
allow people to, you know, get themselves on air and try it out and see how they get on and give them a chance to give them
that break which I think they find difficult to get elsewhere. I don’t know if Damon agrees with that.
I think if you can be enough of an obnoxious pain in the butt, you can probably get on radio anywhere just so they’ll
shut you up.
MAT: I mean guys the point is that we’re here doing this, you’re doing
what you do and I would maybe suggest that it’s probably because none of us can do it in the mainstream. Does it bug
you that there aren’t more disabled people in the mainstream?
STEVEN: Well from my point of view, I mean, I've
worked in mainstream radio for about five years. I'm partially sighted and I don’t know if that makes a difference,
maybe Damon will come in on that one but from my own point of view I've never really had any problem, as such. I think it’s,
I think Damon’s absolutely right it’s how much you push yourself that makes the difference and you really have
to. I mean I was told at school, very simply, you will never work in radio and I was told that by my guidance teacher.
you know what they’re like.
MAT: We know guidance teachers and career officers don’t we? You should have
heard my one. So J Rock do you want to get, you know, would you… what’s your ultimate ambition J-bo, do you want
to be the new Jay Leno or what?
JASON: I want to just be heard you know. It’s, you know, we have that, you know,
I just want to be heard basically and JR TV has helped me out a lot in my life and basically I've been with them for four
JASON: And they’ve been helpful ever since I've known them til now and basically
what I'm doing is good, clean entertainment.
LIZ: Oh no.
MAT: Well good, clean entertainment, over to you
LIZ: Yeah Damon.
DAMON: Yeah sorry I was sleeping through that last thing. Oh really, oooh.
on blind fight, blind fight, blind fight.
LIZ: No he's not.
DAMON: There are different ways of…
you guys go and do Celebrity Blind Wrestling?
LIZ: No he's got ataxia, Frederick’s ataxia or whatever.
okay could you…
LIZ: This is impairment wars isn’t it?
MAT: Impairment Wars.
wouldn’t want to hurt any you know.
JASON: Well we’re wrestling entertainment.
JASON: They like good, clean attention and that's what they get.
MAT: I prefer a bit of the old
ultimate fighting championship myself but there you go.
DAMON: But from my perspective I just like causing chaos and
mayhem. I mean to answer your previous question there are a lot of blind people I've heard broadcasting who should not be
10 feet near a microphone.
MAT: Where are you out of Damon? What town are you… you’re
in New Jersey.
DAMON: Yeah New Jersey.
MAT: Okay I'm coming to New York in April can I come and say hello?
DAMON: If you can endure the abuse sure.
MAT: Oh no I can endure it.
he can, you know, he can, he can.
MAT: I’ll bring a shotgun yeah.
LIZ: Damon can you ever get on mainstream?
Is that what you want because I don’t think a lot of the stuff that you’re doing and some of the stuff that we
do, you know, I don’t know that we could ever make it on mainstream.
DAMON: There are, there are programme directors
across the land who would go into cardiac arrest if they heard two minutes of my show.
I worked in college radio, when I went to college, naturally, and I got fired like three times and we were clean back then
and I would not want to be on FM radio. I wouldn’t want to go back to that cess pool of corporate BS and…
you from the BBC [laughs].
DAMON: Sure. If anything I want to be on satellite radio like XM or Serious which is what
we have here in the United States but, you know, whether I can pull that off or not remains to be seen. I mean we get…
we generally get a good buzz about the station and the show itself. We get over 150 listeners every Wednesday night.
Rock how many people watch your show at the moment?
JASON: Well roughly it goes to over 150,000 now.
you’re winning at the moment.
LIZ:: Winning and do you want, you know, do you want to be on mainstream TV is
that your… or what’s your hope for the future?
JASON: Well basically to get on network TV would be a dream
come true for me.
MAT: Would you appear naked.
MAT: Would you ever appear naked?
LIZ: Can we get you all, you know, to plug your own website, shows, whatever because…
forget a lot of our listeners are going to immediately want to know what your shows are all about.
LIZ: Our listeners
you know are used to listening to stuff on the internet and that's how they listen to the Podcast so come on let’s start
JASON: Okay what do you need?
LIZ: We need you to plug your show. Can we watch it, can we listen
to it over here?
JASON; Well there is a website for the audio.
LIZ: Okay give us that detail.
LIZ: Damon tell us how to listen to your show.
DAMON: Well it’s very easy I keep
the website simple because people don’t have much of a brain so it’s www.nhbradio.com
, NHB stands for No Holds Barred.
DAMON: NHB radio if you have a strong stomach and two brain cells
or less, you'll fit right in.
LIZ: Steven to finish.
STEVEN: Well if you want to listen in it’s very
simple all you do is you go to www.viponair.com
. We’ll be changing our name to Insight Radio and we go on air on FM in March 101, in Glasgow.
LIZ: Well good
luck when you go on air and to everyone thank you, fantastic stuff. Good to hear we’re not the only ones out there.
keep doing what you do guys.
DAMON: Thank you.
STEVEN: Thanks very much.
LIZ: Thanks for your time
LIZ: Earlier on Rob Crossan climbed a mountain. [sings] High on a hill stood a lonely albino,
yodel-ay-hi, yodel-ay-hi, yodel-ay-hi-hi. Are you there Rob?
ROB: [laughs] Yeah but I'm thinking of hanging up quite
MAT: So listen do you still have the full use of your legs or did you fall?
didn’t fall at all you know what…
ROB: … I asked my instructor for some feedback
and he said I was really, really good and I then asked him to stop being so, kind of, condescending and give me a proper able-bodied
person’s assessment and he still said I was really good. So either he's a brilliant liar or I genuinely really do have
ability at it.
MAT: Oh you passed.
LIZ: Yes I know you haven’t got the eyes but you've got the body
haven’t you. I mean there’s nothing unable about your body.
ROB: I feel that I came, sort of saw and conquered
anyway and it was marvellous I got 45 feet up at the end I climbed right to the very top and I was told that I had cat-like
LIZ: We were told that you felt a bit sick the higher you got. Is this true?
ROB: Well the trick
is just not to look down and the guy actually sort of wound my up a little bit by asking me if the air was purer up there…
and so in a fit of peak I said, “Yes,” and I realise now that he might have been taking the piss.
many times did you actually go up there?
LIZ: How many times did you actually get up there?
ROB: What do you take me for?
LIZ: Well you had an hour. We paid for a full
ROB: Did you.
MAT: I would say that you are now a proper disabled person. You've gone beyond your boundaries…
you were tragic but you've proved that you’re brave. Well done.
LIZ: Well done Mr Crossan.
I'm a bit of a have-a-go hero. I'm one of those disabled people that actually deserves interviewing.
MAT: I'm going
LIZ: I know, I know. You've triumphed over the tragedy of your life.
ROB: I know if these eyes could
weep and sadly they can’t.
MAT: Aw, his eyes are barren ladies and gentlemen.
LIZ: They are.
well look I think you ought to take young Emma Tracey back to the pub and take a couple of shots because you deserve them.
sorry I'm on a keep fit buzz now. I’m on an organic fruit buzz and herbal tea. Mat I'm ashamed of you.
a gin and tonic on the rocks [laughs]. Okay?
ROB: [laughs] Okay I will do that speak to you later.
you next month Rob.
MAT: Our very own Chris Bonnington goodbye.
Podcast 13 came and went and nobody got injured nice one. You see I always said it was a lucky time for the pagans. Podcast
13 was produced by Damon Rose, Researcher was Emma Tracey, Assistant Producer Lisa Devlin, Studio Manager was Jo Hutton and
with thanks to Rob Crossan and guests.
LIZ: If you want to email us then do so on firstname.lastname@example.org
and remember if we do read your email out you get an ouch Podcast mug wherever you are in the world.
out this month we have Susan Hedges, a visually impaired singer/songwriter from Liverpool. Her influences are Green Day and
the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Susan and her band can often be seen at festivals across the UK and they previously played at
the Liberty Festival. Actually they were brilliant. I was there that day. Check out her website to find out where you can
see her next on www.susanhedges.com
LIZ: The track we’re going to hear today is called Charlotte’s Web, nothing to do with the current
movie or spiders but she says it’s about women who take life and men on their own terms so enjoy it. We’re going
to be back next month, a few days before Easter weekend.